Of Mice, Murderers, Men and Other Maladies
by frozen-delight
Summary: Sherlock is struggling with taking care of his sick boyfriend and a couple of anti-authoritarian mice, and Anthea swoops in to save the day. As always. [Sherlock&Anthea texting ficlet with background Sherlock/Dean.]


A Sherlock/Dean ficlet with sick!Dean written for my dear friend **stardust_made **when she was feeling poorly. Unbetaed, so apologies for any mistakes.

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><p><strong>Of Mice, Murderers, Men and Other Maladies<strong>

_Hey there Sherlock, what's happening?_

Are you drunk? SH

_Just trying to sound like your super hot boyfriend._

_Though maybe that's the same thing?_

Not funny. SH

_It's the chief tragedy of my life that no one else ever seems to find me half as hilarious as I do myself._

_Are you also feeling misunderstood?_

Why do you ask? SH

_A little bird whispered in my ear that you just left 221B with a thunderous step and a dark, brooding expression on your immeasurably pretty face._

The security camera on the roof of the building diagonally across from our front door, you mean. SH

_You have no sense of poetry._

Apparently I have no sense of anything. SH

_Who said that? Should I send a couple of CIA trained killers after them?_

Everyone. SH

John. SH

Sam. SH

Mrs Hudson. SH

Dean. SH

_I see. _

_Do you want me to send in some professional killers all the same?_

That would be counterproductive. SH

_Why? Were you trying to save someone before you swept out of the flat in a full Byronic strop?_

I was banned. SH

_Don't pout._

I'm not pouting. SH

_I can always tell when you're pouting._

Well, if I am, it's not without cause. SH

I was only trying to help. SH

_O God, what did you do?_

Dean is sick. SH

There's a murderer on the loose. SH

Sickness is so very inefficient. SH

And boring. SH

_So?_

I developed a ground-breaking medicine to cure him within a day. SH

_Did it work?_

_Are we to expect a Nobel Prize announcement any time soon?_

Sam, John and Mrs Hudson stopped me before I had a chance to administer it to him. SH

Clearly John doesn't like me dabbling in his field of expertise. Misplaced professional pride. SH

And Sam entertains the totally moronic conviction that because no one else has ever taken care of his brother before, no one else can do it. SH

I am not entirely sure why Mrs Hudson interfered though. SH

_It might have had something to do with what happened to the dog._

But that was an experiment! SH

_And this wasn't?_

There was a chance of less than ten percent that it wouldn't produce the desired effect. SH

I tested it on a couple of mice first. SH

The results were astounding. SH

_How so?_

The nine that survived took off like a monkey from a box. SH

_Oh._

_And where are they now?_

I'm not sure. SH

I was banned from the flat before I had a chance to recapture them. SH

_Mice running amok in Baker Street. I'll send over the pesticide squad._

_Meanwhile you should go and buy some flowers for Mrs Hudson._

_And also pick up something for your boyfriend while you're at it._

Why? SH

_He might have been under the mistaken impression that you were trying to poison him._

Ridiculous. SH

_I know. But that's what people are, and since you can't seem to get enough of them for some strange, mischievous reason of your own, you'll just have to play along._

What should I get Dean? SH

Every time I was sick, Mycroft brought me grapes, and I always hated them. SH

_And that suddenly explains everything._

Do be serious. SH

_It's tremendously difficult, but I'll try._

_What does he like?_

Guns. SH

_Maybe not the perfect get-well gift. Anything else?_

Pie. SH

But with his sore throat he won't be able to swallow anything. SH

_There has to be something else._

Busty Asian Beauties. SH

But I'm not doing that. SH

_Boundless love and all that?_

There is a limit to everything. SH

_Porn mags are your limit? Seriously, Sherlock, you are adorable._

_Do you want me to send your brother on the errand in your stead?_

Mycroft wouldn't even know where to buy such a thing. SH

_You'd be surprised._

Stop it. I'll go. SH

_Try Tesco's. Just in case you're wondering._


End file.
